Tuesday, April 8, 2008


When we made the decision for me not to go back to work in December I was ecstatic. I mean truly thrilled. But now with only a few weeks of school left I am starting to get sad. My boss has already started the search to find someone to replace me (am I replaceable, yes) and I need to make arrangements to clean out my room before June. So much to do and all of it feels so final.

I really thought that this would be so much easier than it is, but the idea of leaving behind this life that I have created with all these wonderful people and kids really depresses me.

I started teaching five years ago without my heart being involved. I was going to "whip" all these kids into shape with structure and discipline. Now I see that really it was me that has been whipped into shape and made into not just a better teacher, but a better human being. I love teaching, as corny as that may sound it is the truth.

I am going to miss all the frustrations, fun, and hard work that go into day to day education and I never thought that could happen. I know that once this baby is in my arms that my entire perspective will change, but for now I think that it is alright for me to grieve to this pause in an important part of my life.




Anonymous said...

I am sorry that you are sad. You have been an amazing teacher and it is not over for you, just a pause in your life. You will teach again my love, have faith. :-) I am glad that you have found something that fulfills your life. Hopefully soon I will find something myself. I love you girl and hang in there.


Indigo Children said...

"I think that it is alright for me to grieve to this pause in an important part of my life."

Definitely. A wise self: you are right where you need to be (this moment).

Letting go of the things we have held to so tightly, the things which have helped us form, is sad. But it will not leave your hands empty--you will have open hands to hold (and value) different things.

After grief comes possibility :)

Anonymous said...

as a mother of one of your students i have to say that you are not replacable. Broc has missed you so much since we left and this year has been a little difficult with out you in his life, getting after him about spelling. You did such an amazing job teaching him and we will always remember you as a blessing!


Beautiful batheing babes (and bubs)