When we made the decision for me not to go back to work in December I was ecstatic. I mean truly thrilled. But now with only a few weeks of school left I am starting to get sad. My boss has already started the search to find someone to replace me (am I replaceable, yes) and I need to make arrangements to clean out my room before June. So much to do and all of it feels so final.
I really thought that this would be so much easier than it is, but the idea of leaving behind this life that I have created with all these wonderful people and kids really depresses me.
I started teaching five years ago without my heart being involved. I was going to "whip" all these kids into shape with structure and discipline. Now I see that really it was me that has been whipped into shape and made into not just a better teacher, but a better human being. I love teaching, as corny as that may sound it is the truth.
I am going to miss all the frustrations, fun, and hard work that go into day to day education and I never thought that could happen. I know that once this baby is in my arms that my entire perspective will change, but for now I think that it is alright for me to grieve to this pause in an important part of my life.