Sunday, November 30, 2008

Happy Holidays


Nazareth Carpenter Being Held on Charges of Child Endangerment, Statutory Rape

Bethlehem, Judea (Late Edition) - Authorities were alerted today by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a local barn. Upon arrival Family Protective Services personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child identified only as “Jesus” who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year-old mother, identified as Mary of Nazareth.

During the incident a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers from performing their duties. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by police.

Also being held for questioning are three foreigners, alleged to be “wise men” from an eastern nation. Officials from the INS and Department of Homeland Security are seeking information about these individuals who appear to be in the country illegally. A source within the INS stated that they had no passports in their possession, but did have in their possession large quantities of gold and other possibly illegal or controlled substances. The men resisted arrest, stating that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own countries. The chemical substances in their possession have not been identified and will undergo further testing.

The owner of the barn in which the family was found residing will also be held for questioning. The manager of the Bethlehem Inn, adjacent to the barn, faces possible revocation of his innkeeper’s license for violation of a number of health and safety ordinances in that he allowed guests to stay in the stable. Municipal authorities are also certain that zoning violations have occurred, since both the barn owner and the owner of the inn have maintained livestock in a commercial district not zoned for the housing of livestock.

Officials have refused to name the location at which the minor child is being held and the prospect for a timely resolution of the situation is doubtful. When asked about when Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Services spokesperson stated “The father is a middle-aged man and the mother is definitely underage. We are currently checking with police in Nazareth to determine exactly what the nature of their relationship is.”

Joseph, the baby’s alleged father, has admitted to taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a requirement to register for a census in Bethlehem, his ancestral home town. However, because she was obviously pregnant when the left Nazareth, investigators are looking into other possible reasons for their departure from that town. Joseph is currently being held in the Bethlehem Municipal Detention Center without bond on several charges, among them kidnapping, statutory rape, and child endangerment.

Mary, the baby’s mother, was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is currently being examined by doctors, according to a police spokesperson, who said that she too may face child endangerment charges. Additionally, she will undergo psychiatric evaluation following her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is “from God.” The director of the hospital’s psychiatric services told reporters, “I don’t profess to have the right to tell people what to believe or not to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others –in this case her innocent child—we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the scene didn’t help her case either. Still, I’m confident that with proper therapy we can get her back on her feet.”

A spokesperson for the governor’s office said “Who knows what was going through their minds? Regardless, their treatment of the child was absolutely inexcusable and the involvement of these other individuals is a frightening thing. There is so much that we don’t know about this case, but for the sake of the infant and the public at large, the community can rest assured that we will pursue this matter to the end, no matter what it takes to find the truth.”

i just thought i would take a moment to remind myself and others that it's only life afterall, and at that it's not too shabby.



Monday, November 24, 2008


i am so excited! my mother-in-law is coming today to pick up four of my five children to give me a small break for the week! i am cleaning up (really just picking up) my house and i am about to put up our Christmas tree so that when we come home from Thanksgiving vacation we can really get the holidays started. the kids have no idea mwahaa haa! (insert evil laughter here)

the holidays are here!

it is all my sister's fault, she started the landslide of good cheer by giving me my birthday present early (THANK YOU!) a limited edition BOXED set of all the claymation Christmas classics FUN BOX! I have always wanted it, but have been too cheap to buy it. i watched them all, rudolf, santa claus is coming to town, frosty, frosty returns, i did not watch that lame excuse for a christmas classic, "cricket in the hearth crap!

despite what wal-mart and the rest of retail have been advertising, i have refused to begin decorating for Christmas until this week. it has been extremely difficult and yesterday i was like a kid in a candy store following jere around the barn pointing to all the boxes we needed in order to get the house ready. he said if he didn't love me so much he would, "smack my goofy butt for being so excited!" smacked or not, i still would have continued on my mission.

i love this time of the year. it's not about the presents. i think there is way to much pressure on that particular subject, so much that it's not even that fun sometimes. NO, i love family, the decorating, and food. i love cocoa, and sugar cookies, and Christmas lights, and homemade decorations, and games, and peppermint, and sharing bathrooms, and driving to our family's home, and cheesy holiday music, and everything else! i am super happy and can't wait for thursday!

merry christmas and happy new year

can't wait to see you all

only 30 more days til Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thursday, November 20, 2008


i did not make my children go to school today

my house looks like the cold front blew right through our front door and destroyed everything in its path

i am not wearing a bra or deoderant and have not brushed my teeth today

i am making sugar cookies and banana bread (been cruising recipe websites for an hour)

belle is wearing her pj's and high heels with a cowboy hat on her head

i've watched elf TWICE today

my big kids want to play guitarhero until their IQ drops at least 10 points

you know what?



care . . .

happy thursday


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

the gap

this was an unusual weekend. my mother came down and went shopping in hot topic with my girls and "outcooled" me for once. they were quite impressed and loved every minute of it and i believe secretly mom loved it just as much. i am not thrilled with their choice of clothes, but oh well, they do have to express themselves. right?

sunday was church as usual. it was our normal service, nothing particularly spectacular. our pastor ask us to have special prayer for a mutual friend of ours who is quite sick. i prayed hard and was very upset about her illness. while i was standing in the pew my pastor's wife came up beside and spoke quietly to me. she said for whatever reason my brother was on her heart for several days and would i mind "standing in the gap" for him.

"standing in the gap" is not just praying for someone else's needs, it's praying with the real hope and real intent that God will step in and act in the positive for someone else. you are the physical for this absent person. it's simply trusting God to act in the manner He sees fit for the person we care about. it is allowing some of God's passion and strength to burn within us.

i have never done this before. my children are a million times more pentecostal than i am. jere was raised with speaking in tongues and the moving of the holy spirit, having been raised baptist myself, my husband considers it a real accomplishment that i clap to the music now :)

i said yes

i stood in front of my church as they laid hands on me and began to pray in unison for my brother. they prayed for his strength, patience, understanding, hope, success, faith, healing and family. except for two, all of these people know nothing of my brother. my eyes were sealed tight, i couldn't look at the faces around me.

i stood there relaxing and allowed myself to focus on my brother and all his pain and i felt my entire body ache and my shoulders hunch from the weight that he carries. i allowed myself to succumb to the holy spirit, to try to understand the unspeakable. my heart broke. i was so tired. as i sank to my knees in prayer and meditation my heart exploded and i cried for him. i cried the tears he has already cried and the ones he refuses too. i hurt so bad for him to know that he hurts worse and there is nothing i can do in the physical to set things right.

i want to hold my brother and tell him i am here for him, i want to kiss his brown face, maybe even dare to touch his curly hair. i want to make him smile.

i will do no such thing. he has a shield around him right now and i accept that. i will continue to rely on my faith and prayers no matter if we agree on that or not. i will leave him alone to his thoughts, we will not discuss this. and that is fine, that is how things are between us. i'm actually alright with that.

cause you know what . . .

i stood in the gap


Beautiful batheing babes (and bubs)