Monday, February 18, 2008

The Middle

23 weeks

I am so ashamed. I really thought I was going to be super mom with this baby and thus far I have failed miserably. You see I had so many plans with this pregnancy. First I was going to get in incredible shape before I got pregnant again. Cycling, walking, yoga, you name it I was going to be into it and for the betterment of "colekind". Second I was going to eat well, no caffeine, no fat, plenty of fiber and veg. Last, I would meditate more, at least an hour a day.

Let's look at this list. Great shape, if that includes pears I 'm good. Exercise, hmmm does that include getting up to pee six times a night? And finally meditation, I've seen chihuahuas with more calm and serenity about them than me. Put all these together and what do you get? A fat, tired, and completely messy human being who just happens to be supporting a human life at this moment.

Pregnant again and I still don't have it down right. That just doesn't seem fair somehow. I mean aren't I suppose to be getting wiser with age? Shouldn't I be the poster child for pregnancy by now? I have read every pregnancy article out there. I know what I am suppose to be doing. What all the celebrities are doing. I see the clothes in Motherhood, I know how I am suppose to look. So why am I still eating doritoes and sneaking coffee when curl is not around?

I completely understand the importance of my health and sanity for this precious baby. I'm not stupid, so why is it my husband has to hand me my vitamin daily or else I'll forget to take it? Why am I pregnant again if I am so worthless at doing what society says I should. Why don't I get it in gear and start having my PC-pregnancy?

Here's why. I'm actually quite content with eating doritos and sipping skinny latte's from Starbucks. I like my round belly and large peasant breast. I love laying in the backyard swing reading for two hours while the other four children play/fight. I like being a large cat, lounging in my tree watching the world without a care. Lifting my glass into the air and watching which child will quickly refill it for me.

I love my beautiful husband massaging me every night before bed so I can "sleep better". And I love each night before bed the way he talks to my tummy and rubs lotion all over it. I love the way he actually thinks (or has convinced me anyway) that I am actually sexier this way. I love having sex with no thought about "what if" because "what if" is on its way. I love being pregnant.

Yes, I should have lost the weight. Yes, I am doing better not drinking very much caffeine (only twice a week). And yes, I am walking, doing some modified yoga (when I feel like it) and eating in moderation (except for mashed potatoes and corn).

But when all is said and done, I'm quite happy with this pregnancy. Besides I don't want to waste this one last opportunity to experience the inexperiencible my way, potato chips, fried green tomatoes, milkshakes, and all.


Beautiful batheing babes (and bubs)